Here we go again

Warning: seriously disjointed thoughts. and i have no friggin idea how to ljcut on a japanese computer. sorry!

If I am having a good time, learning and growing and experiencing...does it matter that I am running away?

Living in Japan is one of those things, like university, where people always ask you what you are going to do next. "That's so cool! When are you coming home?"


I don't know what I want to do next...what if this is what I want to do? What if it is okay that I can't think of anything I want to do back home?

Except sometimes I feel like I am in exile...

And I don't want to be single for the rest of my life...

And part of me IS running away...

I always wanted to teach overseas. Unfortunately (fortunately?) I ended up going after life went to hell at home. Things ended because that was the right/only thing to do, and I was suddenly reallyreally free to go. And left, sorta without dealing with what I was leaving. And in someways I have dealt with it, and in someways not. I went home for a visit recently, in the back of my mind thinking, "yep, Sept 2006, I'll be back here and in school and etc" and when I was there it was "no way". I had a lovely visit, and it is a wonderful place and great people and...nope. And i can't TELL!!! I can't tell how much that is that it really isn't my life right now, and this is where I should be...and how much it is fear. A frustrating mix probably...bringing me back to the question, does it matter as long as my life is good at the moment??? Do I try to sort it out, or go with the flow? sigh. okay, stopping now :)

(no subject)

Well, lessee if this works. Apologies to fandom folk who have me friended, I can barely figure out this system (being that it is mostly written in kanji) and I am about to inflict real life ponderings on you. Might be a good defriending time :)

So, due to the road/train track damage from the typhoon I couldn't get to the classroom yesterday where I was supposed to be teamteaching, and instead I got to stay at the lovely hotel and rent a computer to play on, wheee!!! :) My life is good :D It is actually, I seem to be finding it perfectly normal that I am living in Japan. Who'da thunk? Like the job, my apt and city, have people to hang out with. not too bad!
I wish that it was easier to visit other folks tho...stop by for tea, see people's houses, kids, new loves,families. eat cheesecake! Go dancing!! Get and give hugs!!! Unfortunately I am friends with people like people who have not stayed in their hometowns, have gone on adventures all over the world. very cool, but awkward. And some of them need hugs right now. and long chats and walks and crying and ranting and grieving time....and I can't get there. And email doesn't cut it. And phone calls don't give hugs.

:( oh well. I guess all I can do is email and call and (really need to find another word) pray for them. And their families. And loved ones.

My friends deserve more than life is giving them these days.


I got the JOB!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Japan, here I come!!! Cept I can only remember how to say Good Morning!!!





Lordy. Went through the BBC booklist (what was the criteria for inclusion anyway?) and have read 104 of them. *boggles*

So, apparently I read an excessive amount : ) Reminds me (on first meeting ex-boyfriend's friend) of being asked what my addiction was..... the answer of course being "reading". Erm...definitely cheaper and healthier than his addiction of choice, but still takes up a lot of time.

But, it has its rewards! Just finished Nostradamus by Douglas Coupland. He just gets better. I feel that bizarre completely meaningless pride because he's from BC, and so am I : )


ok, I expect that they just met somewhere and momentarily exchanged words, but John Cusack and Britney Spears??? Thank you etalk Daily for messing with my head.